I recently moved my mother from her home in the city where she lived for over 65 years, to an assisted living facility nearby. My brother and I were of the opinion that it was long overdue, but she was adamant that she didn’t want to leave her home. Last year, she was no longer able to safely operate a motor vehicle, so we took the keys away and sold the car. After she ran into another parked car at the nearby grocery store she used, and drove off without reporting the accident, it was past time.
But her short-term memory was failing her, and it was time to relay the word. You are going, and we are taking you now. Made for a very unpleasant trip to Lakeway for my wife. But while she was transporting her to our home, we had a family team ready to grab the rental truck to move furniture and belongings. Unfortunately, the movers didn’t show to load the truck, as they ran long with the previous load, and we had to do it ourselves to get back to Lakeway before move in hours were over. Four hours later, I arrive at the facility, with local family members on hand to assist in unloading the truck and returning to the rental company.
Here are some of the things I learned from the experience.
- When aging parents start to lose short term memory, don’t wait too long. My mother was essentially almost totally isolated from friends once COVID hit. She saw the housekeeper once every other week, her hairdresser, and my brother, other than occasional visits from other family members. Very little interaction otherwise. She’s outlived most all of her friends, and when her car disappeared, she was really isolated. Because she didn’t have much short-term memory, she’s had trouble assimilating into the community. She generally dines at a table alone, and can’t remember the names of the people she regularly sees. If she had moved in and made relationships sooner, that may not have been the case.
- We got a floor plan of her apartment, with dimensions to assist us in determining what would fit and what wouldn’t. If a floor plan is available, get it. We were able to set her up in a mini version of her home. The drop leaf table in the kitchen fit with one side folded down, as did the chair where she had her coffee. Her living area was arraigned much like her small den, with family pictures, to make her feel at home. No way the old king-sized bed was going to fit, but the full sized bed from her guest room did. We took photos on a smart phone to arrange her art just like the wall where it was. She stayed with us until everything was set up and fully decorated. The place felt like hers, and really helped her transition. Wife gets all the credit here.
- Television. A couple of tips here. First, mount them on the wall if possible. There isn’t much room, and the old entertainment center just takes up too much space. Wall mounting also reduces the chances of the set falling off a table after being bumped. Second, all TVs now are smart TVs, but find the dumbest smart TV that you can. No way my mother would ever find anything with all of the apps on the really smart ones. We were able to get a nice 55 inch for only $200. Her other one was hung in her bedroom, again, wall mounted. She can access a guide and find what she wants pretty easily, though it seems what she often wants is just noise. Now if she would just stop switching the remotes!
- My mother very quickly adapted to her new apartment, despite her earlier reluctance to move from her home. Her apartment is right across from the hair salon, and only about 30 feet from the elevator, so she can easily get anywhere else she wants to go, which is primarily the dining area. I get to see her quite often, and she tells me on almost every visit how much she likes it. Most stories I hear from others are much the same. So don’t beat yourself up about making a needed move.
- Once acclimated to the new space, be careful about checking them out, if they have memory loss issues. Nice to have them over for dinner or other family outing, but getting them out of their routine can lead to confusion. Some trips to health care providers can’t be avoided, but try to be observant about whether the outing is detrimental.
I know everyone’s experience won’t be exactly the same, but hope you find these tips helpful is a move is ahead for your parent.